Chapter 3: Familiar Surroundings
Granny's café had always been dicey for Regina under the best of circumstances. But the morning after the day she had made mad, passionate, better-than-monkey love to the town savior and repeated the act by the riverside a few hours earlier? Even weirder. Plus, they had almost been caught by David and Mary Margaret! She was about to enter with trepidation, when she sensed an arrow being shot at her head. She caught it with one hand.
"So sorry," Robin offered apologetically from across the street. "Thought you might be the Wicked Witch or something!"
Regina did not dignify his comment with a response as she broke the arrow in two and dropped it on the ground before entering the café. Idiot.
She attempted to remain innocuous as she approached the counter for a latte. No such luck.
"Mayor," Granny's voice boomed out across the room. "What can I get for you today?"
"Um, just a latte, please, as usual," Regina offered demurely.
"One umjustalatteasusual for the frigging mayor coming up!" Granny announced.
"Leave her be, Granny, geez," Ruby intervened. "I'll get your latte. Have a seat, Regina."
Regina sank into a seat at the counter. As Ruby brought her a latte, she unexpectedly reached out and patted her upon the hand.
"You have the scent of someone who got some recently, know what I mean?" she winked. She sniffed the air as she peered down at Regina. "Very recently!"
Regina was indignant.
"I have no idea what you're referring to," she said in her most frosty voice.
"It's okay, Mayor," Ruby smiled as she patted her hand again. "We got your back on this one."
Regina lifted the sleeve of her Dolce and Gabbana jacket to her nose and sniffed. I went home. I showered. I put on clean clothes. What the fuck is she talking about?
Regina almost spit out her latte as Leroy slapped her on the back.
"That's right, Madame Mayor," he slurred. "We all know. And if you don't do right, believe me, there will be a paid to be priced, er… a price to be paid."
Regina turned to him with her most wicked smile.
"Not that I know what you're referring to you drunken little gnome, but mind how you talk to me!"
"Knock it off, Leroy," Ruby intervened.
"Why?" he persisted. "She owes us!"
"Came in for the pig, stayed for the poke?" Regina jabbed.
Suddenly, there was a hand upon Regina's shoulder.
"Come and join us," Mary Margaret offered earnestly.
Regina surveyed her situation: Granny yelling at her, Ruby winking at her and Leroy belching on her.
"Gladly," she replied.
She sidled into a booth next to Mary Margaret and David.
"I just want to tell you that I know how hard that was for you last night," Mary Margaret began.
"How hard what was?" Regina blurted out reflexively. "Why is everyone all of a sudden so fascinated by my sex life?!"
"Um," Mary Margaret was startled. "I only meant when you came over to the house and saw Henry. So… what about your sex life?"
"Oh, um, nothing. Just something Leroy said," Regina recovered.
"You mustn't let him bother you," Mary Margaret countered. "Sometimes he drinks too much."
"You think?" Regina smirked.
"No really, Regina, I know seeing Henry was hard for you," Mary Margaret continued.
Regina grew sullen."It was worse than hard. It was devastating."
"I know that if you work with Emma, between the two of you, this will get figured out," Mary Margaret offered.
"I am working with Emma. But, so far, nothing."
"Really?" David asked. "You've got nothing going on with my daughter?"
Mary Margaret elbowed him in the gut. Undeterred, David produced a blanket upon the table.
"What do you know about this blanket?" he continued. "I found it all wet on a bush in the woods this morning by the river. It came from our house!"
"I know nothing of your wet bush or your blanket, I can assure you, David," Regina feigned. Could this morning get any weirder?
David's eyes narrowed. "Just what, exactly, are you doing with my daughter?"
"Stop this," Mary Margaret admonished.
"Why?" David countered.
"Because it's none of our business, Sweetheart," Mary Margaret smiled awkwardly.
"The whole damn town is talking about them," David shook his head.
"No," Mary Margaret corrected. "You are talking about them. And," she stated slowly, softly, "It's none of our business!"
"Well, it's my business!" Hook suddenly appeared.
"Killian, stay out of this," David advised.
"Yeah, stay out of it," Emma said from behind him.
Hook looked at Emma with surprise.
"Didn't know you were here, darlin'," he smiled his most rakish smile.
"Obviously not!"
Emma eyed Regina with concern.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine, Emma, thank you for asking," Regina returned with her most dignified voice. "Where is Henry?"
"Oh, he really likes the library in the clock tower, so I left him there with Belle."
"He always did like to read," Regina proffered sadly.
"Because of you," Mary Margaret smiled sweetly.
"And you," Regina nodded.
"Okay, enough with the mutual admiration society," Emma said.
"Regina?" She inclined her head towards the counter. "I need to talk to you."
As the two women made their way to the counter, Hook watched with jealousy, David watched with concern, and Mary Margaret silently nodded approval.
Behind the counter, on a shelf, Regina noticed a cymbal-banging-monkey-toy. She looked at Emma as she gestured to it.
"Looks like your type," she smirked. "Should I be jealous?"
She was repaid with a punch on the arm and a terse, "Shut up!"
Killian and David eyed them with interest. What was going on here? Emma had just punched Regina in the arm and Regina had laughed. Now their heads were almost touching as they spoke. Killian felt outraged. He was the one who had given Emma the memory potion… for this? No! She was his!
"I'm going to break that up," Hook stated.
Mary Margaret grabbed his arm
."No. You're not. We need Emma and Regina working together to solve the mystery of this new curse. If they get along well… all the better."
"Just leave them be, buddy," David slapped him on the back. "I've already tried."
Hook looked again as Emma and Regina's heads touched as they spoke quietly. Not what I had planned. He turned his glance towards David. The prince's hair was perfect. His eyes were twinkling.
"Coming our way, Killian?" David rose as he helped his pregnant wife up and smiled his impossibly charming smile.
Killian eyed David. His teeth positively sparkle when he smiles!
"I am coming your way," Hook relented as he followed David out of the café.
"And just what are your plans until the baby is born, mate?" he queried as he threw an arm around David's shoulder.
_____
Emma and Regina walked down the street. They did not hold hands, although their hands occasionally grazed each other. The morning had grown cold and their breath mingled in streams of vapor.
"So, everyone seems to know about us," Regina said.
"Know what?" Emma asked.
"That we fuck each other!" Regina stated loudly.
"Keep shouting and they will," Emma shook her head incredulously. "You're paranoid."
"Ruby could smell sex on me."
"Ruby smells sex on everything," Emma countered.
"Leroy implied he knew."
"Leroy?" Emma's eyebrows rose. "Leroy implied something? Well… that is news."
Regina smiled.
"David found the blanket we used," she continued.
"Did he recognize it?" Emma was suddenly concerned.
"He did, indeed."
"Shit," came Emma's eloquent reply.
Both women were silent as they continued to walk. Suddenly, an arrow flew by their heads. Regina caught it.
"What the fuck was that?" Emma asked in a shocked tone of voice.
"Sorry, so sorry!" Robin yelled at them from across the street. "I profusely apologize! I thought you might be the Wicked Witch!"
Regina threw the arrow back towards him.
"That idiot has been shooting arrows at my head all day."
Her voice rose as she yelled at Robin. "Apparently all women look like the Wicked Witch to him!"
"I do apologize!" he called back.
"Just keep walking," Regina exhaled.
"So who is he?" Emma inquired.
"Robin of Loxley."
"Robin Hood?!" Emma gasped.
"The very same," Regina smirked.
Emma pondered this as they continued walking.
"Um," she finally whispered, "Wasn't he supposed to be a good shot? Legend has it that he split the bulls-eye arrow with an arrow of his own."
"According to legend," Regina replied.
"But that shot missed us by about a foot!"
"All that glitters is not gold. Don't believe everything that starts with Legend Has It, Ms. Swan."
"Wait a minute, Regina. You caught an arrow! You can catch arrows? Is that magic?"
Regina was insulted.
"I just happen to be extremely coordinated!" she replied indignantly.
"I'll say," Emma looked at her skeptically. "Pretty good hand-eye coordination, not to mention reflexes. Do the Mets know about you? I've never seen anything like that."
"And now… you have!" Regina smiled, self-satisfied.
"Hmm," Emma shook her head.
"Hmm, what?" Regina demanded.
"Just… I'm wondering why Robin Hood is so fixated on you."
"Who says he is?" Regina shrugged.
"He's shooting arrows at you. Kinda' symbolic, don't ya think?"
"Oh, that."
"Yeah," Emma replied as she took her by the arm and dragged her into an alley. "That!"
"Okay," Regina caved. "Back in the Enchanted Forest, Tinkerbelle cast a spell that led me to my true love who was supposed to be a man with a lion or, wait a minute," her attention waned as she drew out the words, "was it a dragon tattoo?"
"Your true love?" Emma was upset.
"Yes. True Love's Kiss and all that nonsense. So, anyway, Robin has that tattoo."
"So," Emma mulled this over slowly. "He is your true love?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I mean, maybe, in another reality. But…"
She was not allowed to finish her sentence as Emma pushed her hard up against the wall of a building. She pressed herself against her so that Regina could scarcely breath. Emma kissed her lips passionately before moving to her neck, then her ear.
"In another reality what?" she whispered.
"Jealous much?" Regina smiled teasingly.
Emma flicked her wrist and Regina's pants disappeared.
"Geezus, Emma!" Regina gasped. "We're in public!"
She paused for a moment to consider the situation. "How did you do that? Dematerializing clothes: that's Lesson 16, we're still on Lesson 2: water!"
"I have many skills when I'm pissed off," Emma said as she reached between her legs and began to fondle her.
Regina's head rolled back against the brick wall as she gave herself over to desire. Emma kissed her neck and her lips. She penetrated her mouth with her tongue as she inserted two fingers up inside her. She knew exactly where to go to provide her lover with absolute pleasure. It wasn't long before she felt and heard Regina's release.
"Oh God, Oh God, Emma," Regina cried as she writhed against her before collapsing, helpless, into her arms.
She breathed heavily into Emma's shoulder for a moment, before recovering. She looked seductively into the other woman's eyes, then smiled and uttered: "Jealous much?"
Emma shook her head.
"Why do I even care?"
"But, you do care," Regina caressed her face with her hand. "I'm sorry. Don't be jealous. You weren't even born when Tinkerbelle led me to my true love!"
"That's it!" Emma hissed angrily. "No more about your true love!"
She shook her head disdainfully. "I'm leaving."
"Emma!" Regina called after her desperately.
The other woman turned towards her.
"What?"
"My pants?" Regina smiled sweetly.
"Oh," Emma considered for a moment as she eyed Regina. "I can only do that kind of magic when I'm really angry. I'm sorry," she shrugged. "Oops, meant to say: I profusely apologize!"
Voices could be heard on the street approaching the alley. Emma smiled.
"Do it yourself!"
"No. I want the pants I was wearing!"
Emma didn't move.
"What are you doing?" Regina asked.
"Enjoying the view," Emma eyed her up and down.
_____
Archie and Dr. Whale were partaking in a peaceful morning constitutional.
"I'm not sure I agree with this plan of placing our fate in the hands of the Town Savior and the Evil Queen." Whale intoned.
"Well, as I was trying to point out the other night, their dynamic suggest explosive and, quite possibly, spectacular results," Archie offered.
"Men of science should be in charge of this endeavor. Those two women," Whale disparaged, "their dynamic, as you put it, is unholy and unnatural."
"Um, I don't wish to appear insensitive, but weren't you experimenting with reanimating rotting tissue?" Archie pointed out.
"The key word there is experimenting. It was a well researched and scientific investigation based on medical fact and theory," Whale countered.
"Indeed," Archie stated as he rearranged his glasses and cleared his throat.
"I just hope those two will use their combined powers in a proper manner," Whale continued. "Not waste time on the frivolous pursuits women are so often inclined towards."
"I am quite sure that Regina and Emma are concentrating all their energies towards finding the key to unraveling this new curse," Archie nodded.
"Perhaps," Whale sighed. "But I can't help but believe that men of science, such as me and you, could produce better results. You, with your knowledge of the inner workings of the mind, the id, the ego, and me, with my brilliance in the medical field: we would make quite the formidable team!"
"We might at that," Archie smiled.
"None would dare cross us!" Whale announced.
"We would strike fear in the hearts of those who practice the dark arts!" Archie agreed proudly.
"But still," he softened his tone. "I feel confident that Emma and Regina are using their powers in a productive manner."
Suddenly they heard a woman's voice scream from a nearby alleyway: "Give me back my pants!"
They ran to the scene.
_____
"Quit playing these little games, Emma. Those are designer pants to match my designer jacket! Rematerialize them now!"
"No dry-off spell, no designer-pants spell. What's a girl to do?"
Archie and Dr. Whale ran into the alleyway and froze as they peered at the two women ensconced there. Their mouths dropped at the sight of Emma, her hands placed defiantly upon her hips, and Regina, naked from the waist down.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" both women yelled simultaneously.
The two men appeared momentarily terrified before they scurried off. Emma and Regina glanced at each other. Both began to laugh.
"I really don't know where your pants are, Regina. Like you said, I'm a newbie."
Regina flicked her wrist in an elegant manner and was suddenly clothed in a new pair of pants.
"Looks good," Emma nodded.
"These aren't the ones I wanted," Regina sulked.
"C'mon," Emma inclined her head towards the street as she held out her hand. "Let's go."
"It really does have nothing to do with you," Regina said as she took her hand.
"What? Your pants?"
"No, the true love thing. It was before you were even born. You believe me don't you?"
Emma stood for a second, holding Regina's hand. She stared up at the gray sky.
"It's just so weird, Regina. You had a True Love before I was even born."
"But," Regina protested, "I never even knew him! Really, Em, he means nothing to me."
"That's not it," Emma began. "Well, okay, it's good to hear you say it. But, the fact that you had this whole life before I was even born is a little disconcerting."
"I know," Regina began to walk with her. "I'm sorry. There are so many thing I wish I could change."
"We'll get there, Regina," Emma smiled as they strolled down the street again.
They stopped in front of Geppetto's. Regina gazed at her reflection in the storefront window.
"Damn!" she exclaimed.
"What is it?" Emma echoed her alarm.
"These pants completely clash with my jacket!" Regina cried out.
Emma laughed out loud.
"Get over it. Check out the workmanship here."
She nodded towards the store.
"I used to buy Henry's toys here," Regina looked through the window wistfully.
"You will again," Emma patted her back gently.
"Oh look, Emma," Regina suddenly perked up. "There's a little stuffed monkey!"
"Oh no," Emma cut her off. "You don't get to go there anymore, not after that little reveal about Tinkerbelle, True Love and Robin Hood! A guy who can't even shoot straight," she added under her breath.
"Alright, I'll let it go," Regina relented. "This time," she quickly added.
The two women gazed at each other and smiled. Almost unconsciously, they shared a kiss.
"Mom! Mom! What's going on?" Henry was clearly upset as he ran towards them from the library.
Both women turned to him. "Henry?"
Belle caught up to him and wrapped her arm around him.
"Now, Henry," she stated gently. "It's okay. Love comes in all forms. It is never to be questioned. Always to be celebrated and cherished!"
Henry looked at her quizzically.
"Um, what?"
"I know you saw your Mom kissing Regina," Belle explained.
Henry blinked his eyes as he looked at them.
"You guys were kissing?"
"Henry, I can explain," Emma began.
"I'm from Manhattan, Mom. You don't need to explain," he shook his head. "That's not it."
"Then what is it, Henry?" Regina queried anxiously.
Henry pointed to the sky. There appeared to be a woman on a flying broomstick skywriting a message.
"What's going on?" he asked again.
People began wandering out onto the street. Soon a crowd had gathered.
"What's she writing?" Leroy asked.
"To those of us who can read," Regina sneered at him, "it appears to say Surrender."
"This isn't good, David." Mary Margaret leaned into her husband as he placed an arm around her shoulder.
Regina noticed Robin in the crowd."Hey, arrow boy," she called out. "That's what the Wicked Witch looks like!"
Robin turned reflexively as an arrow came flying out. As usual, Regina caught it.
"Sorry! So sorry," he shrugged.
"That's it!" Emma yelled at him as she stepped in front of Regina protectively. "You're doing that on purpose!"
"My lady, I assure you," he bowed, "nothing of the kind."
"Don't you My Lady me!"
Emma was about to go after him but was stopped by Regina's firm grip on her arm.
"Not now, Emma," she cautioned as she glanced at the sky.
"Perhaps you offended his fashion sense," Hook chimed in as he gave Regina's outfit the once over.
"Shut up, Tin Man," Regina scowled.
"Really Regina," he continued, "those pants with a Dolce and Gabbana jacket? I gave you credit for more style."
"Oh yeah?" Regina was livid. "And maybe you can't see clearly from behind all that smeared guy-liner!"
She was about to go after him, but was stopped by Emma's firm grip upon her shoulder.
"Not now, Regina." Emma gave her a look and shook her head as she pointed to the sky.
"She's writing something else," Archie exclaimed as he drifted towards Emma and Regina. Suddenly becoming aware of his proximity to the two women, he quickly scampered away.
Everyone's eyes were fixed on the sky as the words Surrender Dorothy were scrawled across the heavens.
"Who in the hell is Dorothy?" Granny complained loudly.
"More importantly," Mary Margaret interjected, "who was Dorothy?"
"Was anyone here Dorothy in the Enchanted Forest?" David questioned as he surveyed those around him. His gaze fixated momentarily on Hook.
"Oh no, Mate. Not me. I may have known some friends of Dorothy, if you get my drift," he winked. "But, as for being Dorothy, herself? No such luck!"
"Um, wasn't Dorothy from Oz?" Ruby asked.
"From Kansas, to be precise!" Hook informed.
David surveyed him with his best law man glare.
"You seem to know quite a lot about his, Killian," he surmised.
"It's actually common knowledge." He moved close to David so as not to be overheard. "In this realm, Dorothy is actually quite famous. Cultural iconography and all that bilge. And, no, I'm still not her. Just wishful thinking on your part, eh?"
Suddenly, a wicked cackle echoed down from the sky.
"My bad!" the voice reverberated. "Old habits, yadda, yadda..."
The skywriting began again as a large strikethrough was placed over the name Dorothy.The crowd released a collective gasp as a new name replaced it in the sky.
Henry shook his head.
"This town is so weird."